Journals from a Month of Dancing

August quickened something in me, and the voice that has quietly been whispering to dance, to dance, to dance became more insistent until there was nothing for me to do, but ‘put on my dance shoes’. Those would be my bare feet. Find good music, turn up the volume, empty my house of my family – and Dance.

And so I did. This Saturday. For an hour and a half. Having been conscious for so long that I don’t have a teacher or a group, I suddenly found simply Soul. What more is needed? Really?

Let me offer my one and only disclaimer as I enter into this month of dance and of sharing it:  This writing may seem a little fantastical at times, my experience is not of groovy cool Sunday afternoon dancing. It is of learning to dance my souls expression. To release, to surrender, to enter into a union of sorts…. Me and life, me and Mother, me and the essence of my soul.

It is – I realise – time to stop apologizing for not fitting into the mold of the normal world and normal language. Especially when it is one that we have so blatantly robbed of magic and mystery. And so – disclaimer aside – I realise this is in fact a journey into those very elements of Magic and of Mystery, through my body and through the gift of music.

I come to it with Gratitude.

During my first dance, I was stunned at the fury and wildness of what was released.

When my husband returned – with my mother in law – I wondered how I would keep dancing. He suggested our bedroom is big enough for me not to have to empty the house of people. And in fact it is. So the very next day, I did my second dance.

In this I had a moment of feeling that I was Mother dancing. I was both she and me – and perhaps we truly are one. There was great gratitude for the gift of being able to dance life with consciousness – from me And from life.

During this same dance, the warrior rose more strongly in me, and I remembered that in the medicine wheel as summarized by Angeles Arrien, the medicine or healing salve of the warrior is dance. And here I was dancing my way back into power, vitality, life force. Hear my cry – it is fierce.

My third day of dance was the day where I made a commitment to keep doing this for 30 days. Yeah!

In this dance I had such a strong experience of: “for this i was born”. My ego hastens to apologise to claim the name Dancer, and yet it is much more than this. I was born to express my Soul, my joy, my spark. And this is what I was doing last night, spinning wildly in my bedroom. Aren’t we all born for this expression?

I was using a Gabrielle Roth five rhythms compilation. She offers guidance in this one – and her words entered me through the experience…”Don’t do the dance, let the dance do you. Don’t do the dance, let the dance do you”. “It is all prayer”. yes it is. This is sacred practice.

And such fun too!

As day four begins my body is a little tired. My spirit is strong. My husband says I feel more open, more light and playful, stronger, clearer, sharper but also more gentle. And a lot more self-absorbed :).

My children are joining me in moments. Pre-bed family dance, early morning rising dance. Demanded by them. These are short. Dance-snippets, but they are beautiful.

I may be jumping the gun, but I have a sense that i am diving into a month that will change something at a fundamental level in me and in how I relate to the world. At this point it seems like simply this: to know and experience at a cellular level that I can open myself to Life force, to joy, to flow. Those are not in the hands of another. They are in my hands. As I open, as a I move – I enter more fully, the river of Life. She flows fast. I am not in control. But I am learning to swim, and to dance with life.

Gabrielle’s last words yesterday were “You are the Dance.”