I am two years and a month into my 1000 day dance journey. As the dance has deepened my writing about it has slowed. It was as though I could no longer really find words to express the road I was travelling. So I let them go for a while.
What a journey it has been. Recently I almost stopped the daily dance. Not the dance itself, but the ‘having’ to do it everyday, because it was becoming something I did from a place of discipline rather than joy.
But I found my way back, when I remembered that it can be – if I choose – my way of listening each day to my heart, my soul, my joy – and follow what I hear.
It can be my way of connecting more deeply to my Self. It can be my way of connecting and reconnecting with the world around me – the trees, the birds, my sleeping children, the earth, the setting moon, the rising sun, the changing seasons, the gentle breeze or fierce winds, the rains drenching the earth that my feet love – It can be a way each day of meeting the world as she rises to meet me.
I have come to deeply appreciate it as a key to my Life.
I had no idea how many locked doors existed in the house of my soul (which is my body, my earth bound being) – and how much light and air and space I could let in through dancing one day after the other. I have danced slow dances, fast dances, joyful dances, grief dances. Dancing through the house; opening its doors, finding lost parts of myself; hurt parts; scared parts; angry parts; and bringing them home to a me that is growing ever more capable of holding them all.
I keep dancing in particular with the theme of ‘Holding up the World’. I dance many dances with a little girl inside me, who believes that she must hold the world up; rescue and save others in order to save herself. She is very tired, and very lonely. And she is there in me and in my dance.
I am learning slowly but surely, to dance with her, to listen to her and her needs and to gently bring them to life in my dance and in my life. A slow but sure healing of old old old patterns, that no longer serve me. No longer serve her.
The dance goes on, the words have stilled.
The words have stilled, for now.
2 thoughts on “And the dance goes on…”
Sweet Maaianne so, so Grateful for your love message to my child.
Since yesterday she’s feeling tired and sad. Saying to herself ‘I don’t want to want, I don’t want to want to know, I don’t want to want to understand I don’t want to want…’ I was fighting with my mind, trying to silence her with all the questions and personal doubts about why couldn’t we all just remember we are One, But something was different … Today I was feeling at the same time, deep inside of me, the movement which usually calls me to return Home was so clear in the same moment. A sense of peace, that offered me a sense of space within my body… and there I rested for a few hours… I woke up stronger.
As I was repeating my “mantra” I wasn’t angry, I was hurt, fragile, but assertive, decisive while retreating inside of my body… And I reached Home again. My child is stronger, our Child is stronger.
And now your Words 🙂
It was probably in the 3rd or 4th dance with you and all other Sisters that I felt we were All becoming One. Our senses were becoming one body.
Your words brought more of the light and strength of this One.
Thank you, receive this big tree hug full of Gratitude and Love.
How good to read your words. I wondered last night whether it was too much to include the part about my inner child. And so to read the echo and the relevance in your words this morning is good. It is a very very long journey it seems to really reach her and hold her fully – but it is so important. Without it she becomes an inadvertent saboteur as she continues with defense mechanisms of a much younger me. Connecting with her as a child, whom I can hold and nurture has been such an important shift in what has otherwise been a very frequent inner warring with myself.
And there is still a sense of wanting to heal her so all this can go away – as opposed to simply learning to love her, warts and all.
Here’s to learning to love.
Sending love and light from Zimbabwe 🙂