I am Dancer

I am Dancer
This is who I am
First and foremost – I am Dancer
Before even being woman, mother, lover, community organizer…
I am dancer

And when I let myself dance
The dance flows, jumps, moves into all my roles
All my states of being
Enlivening, Enriching where it goes
And where it opens

I marvel that this knowing could have been lost to me for so many years
For decades it lay in my forgetting
An education
Filling me with many arbitrary facts and figures
Ideas of what success is and how to strive for it
But little space for my Soul to speak and be heard

Thankfully our return to Africa, to Mama Africa, when I was still a young teenager
helped break through into the beginning of a listening
A listening for heart and meaning
A listening for soul

That brought me to co-create
a trans-local learning community of pioneers with friends
And then Kufunda Village with friends and family
And still it was to be years for the listening to finally bring me
from the rich journey of arriving into the work of my heart
To the Movement of my soul

As Dancer

Dancing my Lifeforce
My Prayers
My Grief
My Joy
My Love

I am Dancer

Will you dance with me?

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Practice is Integration

I thought I had to return home to integrate
write in my journal
reflect
harvest nuggets of wisdom

I returned to fullness
and so did none of these
I still feel the spaciousness of the phoenix
living with me
in my busy days

I continued my dance
but slowly, for there was a tiredness in my bones
perhaps that was the integration….
(the slowing down to let it all digest, without words or thought)

Yesterday the real meaning of living integration showed itself
As I danced the phoenix again
ah the beauty and the joy of it
a tool, a method, a dance
to work with stories
that no longer serve

That is integration
the continuity of practice
mind needs not be too anxious in getting it all right
body knows, soul knows
and then mind can serve the clarity that can arise from that
powerful combination
The practice, the practice, the practice
All else flows from there
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Here is to the next 43 Years

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43.
And I feel like my life is just beginning
The sap is rising 😉
And there is a joyous, awestruck, exhilarated Wild Woman
ready to go the next lap,
ready to dance it, sing it, fly it

So here’s to the next 43 years
Here is to dancing into freedom
Here is to singing and swinging my joy
Expressing my rage, my power, my grace, my beauty, my delight
My Is’ness
My divinity
My unquenchable optimism
Not because I have anything to hope for
but because I have touched and keep touching
the miracle of this life, this existence

A soul in a human body
learning to inhabit the freedom of soul
in the expressive, creative, and yes beautiful constraint of body

Here is to dancing freedom, to medicine woman me, to lioness priestess, to motherhood, and loverhood, to friendships across time and space

Here’s to the next 43 years
May they rock my world
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Choosing to Live *My* Life

Inspired by many readings with Angela Deutchsman, and friendships across many lifetimes

Something is changing in me
Deeply

I am noticing that I am more able to stay engaged
to stay open
to whatever is going on
even when a big part of me would like it to be Not Quite So

I am noticing that
I cannot close any more
the sun is shining
and my blossoming soul is unfurling
Almost choicelessly

To tend to this blossoming
requires letting my being breathe
expressing my joy
letting my love flow

Sometimes letting my being breathe,
takes me into the depths of darkness
where breath may have been suspended
for years on end – perhaps even lifetimes

Can I love the dirty, sordid parts of myself?
As I touch them, and begin to dance with them,
I discover that they may be richly stained
but not sordid, not dirty,
those very words are a judgement
perhaps of something that I have not been ready
to face, to own, to claim.
With it comes
power
Immense, raw, creative power
My warriors cry sounds loud and strong

I am noticing
a clarity
a sharpness entering my field
a sharper, clearer, stronger me
as I become more and more open
unapologetic for who I am
choosing from joy,
learning that I have nothing to hide
And what a relief this is
I can breathe freely

I am discovering that my most important work is to be Free
My most important work is to be Me
and not just any me
My responsibility, I am recognising with increasing excitement,
is to choose  that which makes me the most alive, joyful, expansive, and vibrant self –
to choose that – and nothing more

And ironically – or perhaps not so ironically –
this enables me to offer
the greatest gift to those
around me

The permission to choose in that direction too
And
The benefit of a more vibrant sparkling Maaianne 😉

I long for a world in which we can each show up,
as our vibrant sparkling stained selves,
joyful, expansive, alive!
dancing to our own beat

Until it dawns
I will dance My dance
increasingly freeing myself to dance the tune
that resonates most deeply with my heart

And I invite you to join with yours

Here I am
Here is I

Showing up
Ready to dance
Dancing

Dancing
My life

Dancing
Life

Life
Dancing
Me

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With Gogo Bev at Mana Pools, delighting in Life

Celebrating Freedom

Today is Zimbabwe’s independence day.
Technically we are celebrating 34 years of independence (so young!).

I have decided to join the celebrations today.
And to celebrate a slight different aspect than the political technicalities of freedom.

I am celebrating today the freedom that dances in my cells.
The freedom that is rising in people everywhere –
And in the people of Zimbabwe.
to follow and live our own deep Joy

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I am choosing to make today a celebration
for all those of us, in ways big and small,
Who are making space in our lives
for that which brings the deepest joy
different for each one of us,
equally valid for each one of us

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For me, personally, it is the freedom
To dance each morning,
simply because it makes me feel deeply good
The freedom to love my dogs insanely (I just finished feeding all five of them) 🙂
To serve the children,
to create a safe container for their free and beautiful spirits to flourish
as we create a school that can be big enough to love and hold and support them in their journey

The freedom to follow a path of calling forth the medicine of women
beginning with my own
The freedom to fall in love each day, many times over
with whatever connects to my heart and soul
trees, people, animals, life, you name it!

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I celebrate today
The freedom that I am experiencing at Kufunda
As people are choosing increasingly
to show up as themselves
instead of what our culture has told us to be
Sikethiwe, Fidelis, Admire, Tsitsi, Anna Tenis, Maria, Enock, Ethel,
and so many more
slowly but surely standing up to be yourselves
I honour you deeply
I see your deep grace, power, beauty,
And thank you for showing up
Life is richer – infinitely – with you in it 🙂

IMG_0620IMG_6387I celebrate today
The freedom I am experiencing in all our children here
as they discover that their curiosity and delight
are gifts that we treasure and welcome
Tino, Maki, Joseph, Emily, Claudia, Alice, Ayemu, Ngoni…
and all of you that I haven’t mentioned by name
You are sooo beauitful
Your gifts are already taking us all by storm

 Today I celebrate 
The freedom I experience in pockets of Zimbabwean society
freedom to speak, to sing, to dance,
to express the soul of this place and this people
To make choices that go against the grain of so much of what is here
Simply because it is what our free souls must do

Freedom to choose love over hate
Simply because hate feels heavy and toxic
and love brings joy and space and possibility and grace
Today I brought Mugabe into my dance
With gratitude
for all that he has taught us
May we learn the lessons well
Aah that he would join this dance of celebrating
the deeper freedoms that are rising here
One day perhaps he shall

For now I celebrate
with a light and overflowing heart
with delight in my being
for the joy and the freedom
that live here already
And for the MUCH more of it
that I know is possible and is on its way
as more and more and more of us
begin to choose
the dance of freedom

 Dancing on into freedom

…. At 42 I am exploding into my freedom and into my Self
All the old, boring, limiting nice-ness finally being swept away
by my dancing feet, and drumming heart
All those limitations of old
Fuelling my desire and clarity for Shift
That welcomes each of us
To Fully Show Up
in connection
To be Here Now
As the Noble, Awesome, Shiny people we each already are 🙂

Me, Alice, and my late Grandmother. Taken years ago.
Me, Alice, and my late Grandmother. Taken years ago.

 

Children at the centre
Lucia at Nyeredzi

 

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Fidelis Masimba

 

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Tsitsi

 

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Emily, Lillian, and Mary

 

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Hlekisani hugging Joseph

 

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Mukudzei dancing with the village

 

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Gogo Zonde and friend on their way to build compost toilets

 

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Community women celebrating at the funeral of Auntie Marie. Yes celebrating her life and her death with exuberant human joy

 

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Anna and Patricia – Stripey ladies at Women Are Medicine

 

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Prayer, Admire’s son

 

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Ethel


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Gratitude

 

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Home Coming

Reflections from a Dance with my Heart – Part 1

These reflections are from a recent weekend dance workshop with Caroline Carey in Johannesburg called the Four Chambered Heart.

*******************
IMG_7315I woke on Sunday morning after the first day of dancing.
I woke with grief
I felt how I was born into a world made far to small
Far too small.
How I was straightjacketed to fit into it
Becoming smaller and smaller
Being trained to fit
To fit
Into something so minuscule
Too small to contain the beauty and power of my soul
My SOUL
Full of fire, light and space

I cried for my own learned limitation
And for that of all the children
All those who once were children
being shut down, being taught to close themselves in
to fit into a world made smaller and straighter and more grey
than is the wild wondrous reality of it.

I cried that morning
For all those years of denying my deepest roots,
of shaving off my wild soul,
denying her
like Peter denied Jesus

I recognise the moment
in my vision quest some years back
where I fell to the earth
crying, howling even,
touching immense grief
in my return to Mother Earth.
The grief of experiencing how deeply disconnected I have been from her.

Yes there is joy in returning,
but first
a chasmic grieving in experiencing
the pain of separation.

So that was my pain on Sunday morning
even as I felt my soul returning
I cried for all the years of banishing
essential
parts of myself

I woke up that Sunday morning feeling the fullness of soul return
Breaking through old constrictions
dutifully put in place by my parents, and their parents before them,
and theirs before

It broke through with sobs and tears
Breathing out, gasping for air,
Aaaahhhh
Opening into
the vastness of this being that
I Am

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Through the 10 000 Things

In my last blog, I wrote about learning to Open to the flow of life,
learning to create space in our bodies – and minds –
and in this to allow light and joy to enter us.

I realise that I need to add an important clarifying piece:

Being open to life
does Not guarantee constant joy.
(And wouldn’t that be somewhat dull anyhow?)

Sometimes life comes through as grief,
as rage, as fear, as passion,
sometimes it scares us shitless.

The question is,
Can we keep moving?
With it?
Without being subsumed by it?

I think the joy underneath that I am finding
is that all of these experiences are forever changing.
I am getting to know the underlying energy, river, flowing –
that can show up so differently in different moments.

I don’t need to mistake the expression for the flow.

My job has become to notice when I am getting stuck, or stiff –
Hooked into one or other of the experiences, or expressions, of life.
When I notice, I can begin to create space, returning to motion.

It’s a different kind of motion than the
relentless doing that exists in our culture.
It is being Here Now,
All of me;
Embodied me.
Moving with what is here.

(The Movement helps me Presence
The Movement helps me Open Space)

It is – literally and metaphorically – a dance
Dancing what is in me
As I dance stiffness, it loosens;
As I dance anger, it shifts,
sometimes into agonizing grief;
As I dance longing it unfurls into pure beauty –
Or sometimes painful sadness.
But it keeps changing.
Whatever is there
I just dance it

I don’t judge or deny these different manifestations.
I enter them.
And let them enter me.
In entering, I am creating space.
I move with them.
In the movement I am creating space:
Their hold, their density begins to shift.

***

The river flows.
I am a dancer of all its expressions,
The more I dance, the more I find myself
moving
between dancer, dance, danced

Sometimes I drop into the dance beneath
the anger, the passion, the fear.
And in that place I find
silence, stillness, grace.
Space

***

Perhaps this is part of what the practice offers.
A place to touch, or connect,
beneath the river of expression
beyond the 10 000 things

And yet the doorway is
through the stream of expression,
Through the 10 000 things

I am Loving this Journey. 
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