Dancing the world more Open

“So here it is – I feel like a shell that I was in has cracked open and the fullness of the world is streaming in to meet me. It comes with so much light, I almost have to keep my eyes a little squinted. Light, love, joy, beauty. I walk past people and love them. Some of them can’t see me – perhaps they are still sitting in their shell. Shell’s are safe and snug, but not so good for meeting the world. Greeting the world. There is a bounce in my step and I want to dance into and through my dance. I guess I am. I see the sun’s rays touch a clearing in the woods through the clouds, that have opened for a moment and it takes my breath away. I am awash with gratitude. I hear a song that rocks and I laugh out loud. I hear the sound of the waves retreating from the beach, a sweet gentle swoosh and my skin crawls with delight.

I don’t think the world has changed radically in the last few weeks – so that is how I have come to my shell analogy. Something in me has cracked open so the sunlight can truly touch me.”

Journal entry January 9, 2014

It is not like everything is always hunky dorey. As I sit here writing I am tired. I often wake tired during these days. But then I get up, and dance. As I dance my body wakes, and my soul returns from wherever it may have gone at night – and I see the grass and the trees and the rays of sun outside, and I marvel. And I cannot be anything by filled with delight for all this beauty sharing  my world with me.

Yesterday in my marvel I thought of all the people who don’t have the garden I do, (or the friends, or the community), and thought perhaps it was harder for them to wake in the morning and marvel at their surroundings.

Surely that is true – and yet…

I know that I did not always feel so much gratitude flowing through my veins. I know that I did not always feel that my life was the best thing there is. Even with the very same trees, and grass and sun and dogs and life right out there.

So what exactly has changed?

I am not entirely sure, but here is my best shot at capturing some of it….

1. The dance is opening my body – Literally. Making me less dense. Where there was stiffness I am learning to find flow in the movement, where I was stuck I am coming open – perhaps even undone ;-). And I am learning that space is healing. Space creates lightness. We are mostly space, the density is in many ways an illusion. The dance is connecting me to the space between molecules. And where there is space there is freedom. I am becoming light and more free in the dance. I bring the density of mind into my dance and feel it dissipate beneath my dancing feet :).

2. I have made a choice a few years back to only do that which brings me joy. When I am filled with joy, my light shines brighter. So whilst it is in many ways a selfish choice, it is one which has benefited my family and friends so very much. I am literally becoming more luminous as I choose in accordance to my joy. What does joy dictate for me? Such things as: Dancing more, spending more time with the trees, playing with my dogs and my children, bringing more laughter and movement into the meetings I host, cleaning up my mess…. It aint a bad task master at all!

3. Gratitude. I am developing a habit of expressing consciously and oftentimes out loud with friends and family my gratitude. Gratitude is such a magical river. The more we express it, the more there is to express. So the more I touch my gratitude for the two enormous Msasa trees in our garden, the more I fall in love with them, and the more grateful I am, and perhaps it is that gratitude that spills over to the grass blowing gently in the wind, and the dance of the wind in the leaves of all the trees. It is full of magic and grace and power and beauty. And I stand in the morning at the end of the dance and am filled with gratitude for what is mine to touch and feel and live.

How can I not marvel at my life?

At yours?

At ours?

Safety Warning!

It makes me a little more vulnerable. Or perhaps a lot. This newfound openness. Stories of pain move me more quickly also. But I treasure that. I feel some relief in fact for being open to both, to all spectres. Sometimes it means retreating from others because it is too much to be open and connected. I am learning that balance, though, and thankfully I have friends that can call me back if I go into myself for too long.

And here we go. The journey continues. On with the dance.

While I dance I can not judge, I can not hate, I can not separate myself from life.  I can only be joyful and whole. This is why I dance.”- Hans Bos

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Dancing in the Wild – Soul Dancing Day 45

Yggdrasil
A place to Dance – A place to Pray – It is All Prayer

I have returned from 5 days in the bush. I danced there. Not as long as when I am home, not as fast, but I danced. And I realised that it was a different kind of dance. My listening was different. I thought I would be dancing to the Sounds of Nature – but actually it was not Sound as much as Connection. Feet on ground, hands touching space, body opening to the sky, turning to the trees, touching earth, feeling breeze.

I think this may be in our dance always but it took being away from music and even other people, to realise that my whole body is an organ for listening. Not only listening through ears, but through skin, and heart, and yes perhaps soul.

It was not easy, and not always sweet. My inner judge and critic showed up ample times. But when she stilled – when I was just there in the dance, with the land – how beautiful. Magical. Even if just for a split second :).

It made me conscious of how incredibly difficult it is to be in that place, of Openness to life. In This Moment. It made me realise how fast I am moving; Mind often one step ahead of This Moment, and so not really in This Moment.

Apart from the lions… Because of course I encountered two male lions about 200 meters from where I had been dancing for 20 minutes or so, on my own! So, apart from the lions, it made me want to explore more of this slowing down to the pace of nature, whilst joining with her in movement;  whilst joining with her in dance; touching her with my palms, as they circle into the sky, out to the trees, down to the earth…

It reminds me of the Anna Halpren documentary titled Breath made Visible.

Dance is…Breath made Visible

The Bush reminded me, that

We don’t need music to Breathe.

And actually we don’t need music to Dance.

Breath and Presence – and there is Dance

Breath and Dance – and there is Presence

Dance and Presence – and there is Breath

surprise encounter
Post Dance Unexpected Encounter. What an adventure this life is.

Post Script:

The day after my Lion Encounter I had a little more nerves in entering the bush to dance. And so my dance became a dance of attending to everything that surrounded me – each sound, each feeling. I whirled around tending, attending, presencing to what was in my field. Slow, Fast, Present. Perhaps because of the adrenaline that truly brought me to Presence – it was one of the most exquisite of my days of learning to dance in nature. It was brief, but it was Potent, Awake.

How to cultivate the gift of Presence, in the Gift of Dance, in the Gift of Breath?

On Changing the World, or Not – Soul Dancing – Day 23

Yesterday dance and grief merged once again.

I had watched Happy Feet with my children. A joyful dancing movie that somehow was so utterly heartbreaking to me at the end. It ends with the humans recognizing the errors of their ways and then they stop over-fishing so the penguins can also eat and live. In this happy Hollywood ending I connected with the many lives, the many animals, the many eco-systems that don’t have this ending. And while my children were enjoying – I cried.

After the film I went into a dance where grief and impotence merged in me.

As I step deeper into my Soul Dance Journey I am learning that my work is not to try to Change the World. It is to learn to express the truth, beauty and joy of this Life through my Being. To freely express and be that God Spark which is at the essence of us all. Were we all to live from this place, the world surely would be different.

And that seems like a long long way from where we currently live.

How then to accept or respond to a world that is suffering so in this moment from our ignorance and disconnection?
Is it Irresponsible – to not try to DO SOMETHING? ANYTHING?

Another part of my recent journey has been to turn away from that which does not serve me. To some it could be seen as perhaps the act of an ostrich. Putting my head in the sand. I don’t experience it that way. I don’t find that following the atrocities in Syria, as an example, bring me clarity, or strength or joy to continue doing what is right for me or my immediate world. And even if I never seek out the details, they still seem to filter through.

What struck me yesterday was the force with which I felt the earth speak directly to me. Not through a newspaper, but through the piercing pain in my heart, when I touched the destruction that we are wreaking as humanity. It came through a different channel than a newsbroadcast. A channel – which it seems – I am opening in my dance, and I am sure can be opened in many different ways.

In my dance I also touched a place where life was less, was lower, consciousness was all but gone, higher life forms were no more, there was a darkness. It felt like a taste of what may lie ahead. It was hard to acknowledge that we may well be on our way to a darkness from which we will not return.

My mind cries out and says, “So now surely you have to Do something!”
But a part of me knows, that we can’t ‘Do’ our way out of this mess.
And so what avenue remains?

Grief and Impotence.

And I keep moving my feet, my heart, my being, breathing.

My work is becoming clearer to me
My work is to give permission for my light to shine.
To trust where it takes me – and what it asks me to do.

At one point in the dance there was drumbeat and I danced a very grounding earthbound dance. Then the music changed, but the drumbeat remained in my body and I kept dancing to its beat. I realized that I was off beat, out of tune to the new song. One song later a similar beat returned and I was back in tune.

Perhaps expressing through love, my divine spark, my deepest feelings –even when they make no logical sense to the outside world is moving to a different beat – one that is out of tune to our externally created society, but perhaps in tune with Mother. With Life. With Divinity.

Can I learn to trust that?

I am learning that I can return to right relationship in each moment,
Even if just for a moment.
Perhaps this is all of our work – to re-tune, to re-turn
And perhaps, as more and more of us open to moving from this place,
Our choices begin to change, our outlook, our understanding, our priorities, our way of being in the world.
Mine certainly have.
Not because we want to change the world – but because we consciously make the choice to be true to our innate spark, our soul, our spirit, our essence.

“Show me how you offer to your people and the world
the stories and the songs
you want our children’s children to remember.
And I will show you how I struggle not to change the world,
but to love it.”
Oriah Mountain Dreamer

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I can love the earth In This Moment.

I can love the wild dog that frequents my porch, the mice in my meditation hut, my children, my husband, my friends, the trees, the wind, Myself (imagine that!), the people whom I sometimes blame for much of what is going on today, the weak, the strong.
In each moment I can weave the world a little more whole
through Love,
through Joy.

And then…
I feel the grief. It pierces me
And it leaves me
With a much deeper hole in which to feel
appreciation, love, and joy for everything that is still whole
The Jacaranda blooming in my garden
The sun bird and the night jar singing through my days and nights
The earth beneath my feet
The beat of my heart, that sways my hips…

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Dance on I say – And Dance Together, Soul Dancing Day 20

This morning I woke and danced alone for half an hour.
A pretty awful discombobulated, disembodied dance.
Because my mind was nervous, occupied
About money – and possibly having just lost a lot of it
Surrender to the dance – the music said
And yet mind could not, not quite

Then 8 beautiful women arrived
I had invited them yesterday to join me in my morning practice
They arrived half an hour late and I was about to send them away because of this
In fact I did, but then I called them back
What the heck – Let’s dance for half an hour

And we did

And what a glorious dance it was
Mind had no choice but to let go
We delighted in each other, and in our dance
We were playful, we were wild, we were mad, we were silly, we were graceful,
All in just half an hour of coming together to dance
To dance the dance of our bodies

And I lightly hosted us into the dance
And my heart swelled with joy
And positively shouted at me
“This I wish to do more of”

Some of these women will come back in a few weeks to be at Kufunda for 3 months learning to lean into their leadership
And I will dance with them
I will dance with them

Because we ground each other in the dance
Allowing each one of us to go deeper, and further
Than sometimes – we can go alone
And today was one of those times
Where Alone I struggled
And with others I Soared

Money? What Money?

And what of it, really?

Sacred Permission to Live from My Deepest Feeling Self – Soul Dancing Day 15

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Saturday two weeks ago I began to dance. I returned to dance.
As I danced this morning I could not quite believe the journey I have traveled
in what is really less than a blink of an eye

This morning I danced a sacred dance.
I danced with the sunrise
The still full moon setting behind us – the sun and I  🙂

As I danced I realized somewhere deep inside
That this dance is a giving permission
An active giving permission for my God Self, for my Sacred Soul
To express,
To let that part of me be in charge

Each day in the dance I step aside – even if just for a moment
And surrender to my Sacred Self

This morning I realized that I am giving permission
For her to lead in more than just the dance
To lead in Life as Dance, in the Dance of Life

And there I thought I was just having fun!

A friend of mine did a psychic reading for me this week
In it she says:

“There is no doubt that the next step for you is ……
a far bigger and bolder step forward and that is
into the recognition of you as God.”

Blasphemy some might cry.
Pure beauty, I say.

And the reading ends thus:

“But of course the sooner you are living from that place (All of us),
the sooner your worlds will hold the kind of beauty and grace
that you sometimes dare to imagine they can.”

And my heart fills with joy and tears and longing and gratitude, because I have a choice to live from that place now. From my God Spark. And to live from there exclusively. To listen to and for and from what feels Deeply Good, and to trust this it is in fact also good for the world, and for my loved ones. Perhaps for a three year old this would be dangerous advice. But for where I am on my journey this is how I might really allow grace and beauty to manifest through me – not for their sake – but as a natural process of living from a place of following what I deeply feel and desire.

It is a little scary. To trust myself. To trust my lived experience and Feeling of what to do – and to follow only that which Feels Deeply Good. Which Feels Deeply Good.

Each day, each morning or evening in the dance I am learning even more fully, with all of my body, and all of my spirit, and sometimes parts of my mind ;-), to feel myself, to trust myself, to treasure myself, to listen to myself, to follow myself.

And this morning it turned in a subtle but important way and became an active Giving Permission to live from that place.

Trust yourself, because the Bottomnest piece of you is Divine.

sun

Many of us have been speaking of the Rising Feminine
As I reflect on my dance and the movements inside me
This blessed and beautiful spring morning
With the birds chanting, the slight breeze, the moon set, the sun arisen
I realize that this capacity to navigate by Deep Feeling
Is in fact a deeply feminine quality

For too long we have been told
Emotions are bad
Not objective
And here I am learning to listen to and once again give permission to
My deep subjective feeling of goodness
Not random emotions so much as the deeper undercurrent
That can be felt when genuinely attended to

The Feminine is rising

Do you feel it too?
In your bones? In your heart? In your soul?
It is in all of us
Man or woman
Rising

May we all Dance in Beauty. May we all Dance in Peace. May we all Dance as One

Gabrielle Roth

Dancing Over Boundaries – Soul Dancing Day 13

Today  a small but important barrier was broken.
 
I thought I could not dance in the early morning because I would wake the household
But I did – Dance
And I did not – Wake the household
It meant moving out of the bedroom and into our wonderfully spacious lounge
Dancing morning dance
In our lounge the trees in the garden feel like they are there with you
So I danced the morning in, with the spirit of the trees
 
And I remembered how my soul knew this moment was coming
A long time ago
How we created an empty space in the middle of our lounge
So that one day I could dance here
How my blog is Named DancingUniverse
And it felt a little presumptious for a non-dancer
And here Dancing Universe is chronicling my return home
 
I don’t know what comes next
But I know that I must dance
And that now I can dance
Morning or evening
Household awake or asleep
 
And what a glorious freedom that is
One day – I know I will be dancing out there on the lawn, on the earth
Under the trees
A furious dance of freedom
With no care for curious passerbys
One day
Not quite today

Soul Dancing Day 11

Today was just Dance.

Just Dance.

Expression.
Sweat.
Stillness.
Dance.

And an achey shoulder – and noticing how my body in the dance sought to move it, open it, free it.

Just Dance?

Glorious, magnificent, spectacular, sweet, grounding, invigorating Dance.

Perhaps I drop the ‘Just’