Practice is Integration

I thought I had to return home to integrate
write in my journal
reflect
harvest nuggets of wisdom

I returned to fullness
and so did none of these
I still feel the spaciousness of the phoenix
living with me
in my busy days

I continued my dance
but slowly, for there was a tiredness in my bones
perhaps that was the integration….
(the slowing down to let it all digest, without words or thought)

Yesterday the real meaning of living integration showed itself
As I danced the phoenix again
ah the beauty and the joy of it
a tool, a method, a dance
to work with stories
that no longer serve

That is integration
the continuity of practice
mind needs not be too anxious in getting it all right
body knows, soul knows
and then mind can serve the clarity that can arise from that
powerful combination
The practice, the practice, the practice
All else flows from there
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Engaging with whatever is, as it is

This morning I woke tired.
My dance was heavy, my tummy was achey, my movements slow
I judged it. I definitely judged it.
I wanted to stop. To dance when I felt better.

But thankfully that is not my practice.
My practice is simply to dance.
Every day,
With whatever is…

At the end my tummy was better, my movements freer
It was still a heavy tired body
But guess what, even heavy bones can dance
Even heavy bones enjoy to dance!

And so my little lesson this morning was
to Engage
Gently
with whatever the reality of the moment is

The less I engage something,
(and especially when I have pre-judged it to be bad)
the more likely it is to stay as it is

When I do engage I invite new realities to come forth

Gently connecting
with what is
As it is,
allowing deeper movement to arise
however awkward

In that meeting
I allow something new
and  altogether different
to come into being

It is literally a meeting
And in meetings
new things can come to be

It is Not about engaging in order to
change or fix,
but simply allowing what is
and dancing with it

It is a kind thing to do

And here I am stepping into the rest of my day
willing to engage gently with my tired mind 🙂
heavy body, cold feet,
and the brilliant autumn sun of Southern Africa

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Tiger Baby having a snooze, much like I wanted to this morning

 

 

Opening – to Life Coming Through

I have spent much time during this past weeks feeling full of life, light and joy. Almost too much – like my heart and my whole being might crack with it all. Instead of cracking, it feels like it is e-x-p-a-n-d-i-n-g me instead.

I have also been in conversations with people who are not living through this reality. Who are stepping through heavier moments in their lives. Grief, challenge, irritation. Whatever it is, as I have listened to them they have helped me see that the explosive joy and the lightness is actually not my full experience.

Actually these weeks have also been full of tiredness, of waking with a stiff and achey body; with mind being rather fuzzy and grey. In particular when I wake in the morning.

Rolling over and out of bed, squinting eyes because the light out feels too bright, I make my way sleepily into the day. I choose a play list and begin to move, slowly at first, connecting with the earth of this body, and the body of this earth, moving, easing into embodiment, slowly but surely finding my way into the fire of this body, waking with the sun rising in the sky.

So no, I am not jumping out of bed and exploding into joyous movement. It is slow, a little hard, perhaps not full of beauty and grace, but it is a pathway – each day – that I walk, or dance, into wakefulness. Returning steadily to my incarnate self.

By the end of most dances, light and joy is pulsating in me once more.
I am discovering that on most days, these are ready to enter and flow through me,
perhaps because they are basic elements of this universe. The question is:

Can I open to them?

Can I create enough space in me to receive their flow in me?

Yes I can.

By the end of the dance each morning, I have almost forgotten that this is not how I woke.
I marvel at the flow, and I have already forgotten the stiffness of just one hour ago.

It seems important this afternoon to capture this.
To remember this, as I continue on my journey.
I am not magically ascending into light,
I am slowly but surely, step by step, dancing my way into it.

And there are many ways,

One friend’s practice is time in her garden.
In my old life I would have scoffed at this. Surely that does not count as a practice?
But no, she becomes garden as she sinks her hands into the soil beneath her feet.
Another friend walks.
For hours she can walk, connected to her spirit as she enters the spirit of the land.
I dance. Some meditate. Some sing.

I am curious about the embodied nature of many of these practices

With the body as a gateway,
Aligning mind, body and spirit,
And opening, Opening, OPENING
to the flow of life coming through.

Yes. Here it comes.

Life coming through.

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