Journals from a Soul Dancer

The dance continues – it is now 115 days of dance. Each day another dance, another step into a new experience of being Alive.

It has changed my life. I am a different person, woman, body. Weight has been shed, I think it is not only weight, but also emotional density that has loosened and flown away in the movement. My mind and emotions are lighter too. My whole being is full of Joy. Vibrating joy. Light. Space. Invited in as I join in the motion of all things.

Yesterday I read a reading of a psychic friend of mine. It helped me see more clearly why the dancing journey has been so incredible.

“If you can love yourself wildly, then you have done everything that is required to begin, a life of divine expression.”

Angela Deutschmann

We enter our divinity through love. Love for self, and love for Other. Even as we see something that we do not approve of, can we love it? Can we truly love it?

“The only way to miraculously transform or improve or heal something is to love it deeply, exactly as it is. As all of you do that, you are aligning with your god-selves, and that’s why the miracle occurs.”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       Angela

In the dance I love myself. It is that simple. It is not an intellectual ‘should’. It simply is a feeling of delight, of appreciation for Me, for Being here, in this Body, on this Earth, in This Moment.  In this place gratitude flows, abounds – and the world as I have known it begins to change. Subtly, almost imperceptibly at first, yet profoundly, and here I am 115 days later in love with myself, in love with my life, connected to the land on which I make my home, connecting to my husband in a way that I haven’t before.

The dance  springs from love. Love for myself, love for this body, love for this earth – and knowing in my bones that I have found a practice that keeps me connected to these. I have found a practice that opens my body, my heart, my mind – and let’s the oxygen of love flow through me as barriers dissolve.

Perhaps I should add that the dance is changing. Deepening. Becoming more sacred. Inspired by Movement Medicine, I am now dancing most days a dance in which I invite in and dance with the four elements of Earth, Fire, Water and Air.

I can – literally – dance the world alive. My world. My body. My connection to the earth that holds me, the fire of the sun that burns in my cells, the waters that cleanse, and the wind, the breath of life – that allows me to soar. As I dance, I notice where there is flow and movement, where there is stuckness. I touch it and dance with it. After the dance I marvel at how much I have shifted, moved simply through the grace of the movement of the dance. Creating new space in me. Healing space.

“The moment you realise it doesn’t get better than this, it does. In other words, the moment you let yourself, against all the arguments from your ego, the moment you let yourself fall completely in love with reality as is, the miracle begins. Not because you have earned it, not because you have attracted it, but because you have chosen god-mind.”

“Divine-mind can both love what is completely, and desire something even more beautiful.”

And here I am in a practice that offers me this naturally. Simply. Almost automatically.

I dance on – filled with gratitude for this body that transports me through this life in its fullness and beauty.

Join me?
Join me!

On Changing the World, or Not – Soul Dancing – Day 23

Yesterday dance and grief merged once again.

I had watched Happy Feet with my children. A joyful dancing movie that somehow was so utterly heartbreaking to me at the end. It ends with the humans recognizing the errors of their ways and then they stop over-fishing so the penguins can also eat and live. In this happy Hollywood ending I connected with the many lives, the many animals, the many eco-systems that don’t have this ending. And while my children were enjoying – I cried.

After the film I went into a dance where grief and impotence merged in me.

As I step deeper into my Soul Dance Journey I am learning that my work is not to try to Change the World. It is to learn to express the truth, beauty and joy of this Life through my Being. To freely express and be that God Spark which is at the essence of us all. Were we all to live from this place, the world surely would be different.

And that seems like a long long way from where we currently live.

How then to accept or respond to a world that is suffering so in this moment from our ignorance and disconnection?
Is it Irresponsible – to not try to DO SOMETHING? ANYTHING?

Another part of my recent journey has been to turn away from that which does not serve me. To some it could be seen as perhaps the act of an ostrich. Putting my head in the sand. I don’t experience it that way. I don’t find that following the atrocities in Syria, as an example, bring me clarity, or strength or joy to continue doing what is right for me or my immediate world. And even if I never seek out the details, they still seem to filter through.

What struck me yesterday was the force with which I felt the earth speak directly to me. Not through a newspaper, but through the piercing pain in my heart, when I touched the destruction that we are wreaking as humanity. It came through a different channel than a newsbroadcast. A channel – which it seems – I am opening in my dance, and I am sure can be opened in many different ways.

In my dance I also touched a place where life was less, was lower, consciousness was all but gone, higher life forms were no more, there was a darkness. It felt like a taste of what may lie ahead. It was hard to acknowledge that we may well be on our way to a darkness from which we will not return.

My mind cries out and says, “So now surely you have to Do something!”
But a part of me knows, that we can’t ‘Do’ our way out of this mess.
And so what avenue remains?

Grief and Impotence.

And I keep moving my feet, my heart, my being, breathing.

My work is becoming clearer to me
My work is to give permission for my light to shine.
To trust where it takes me – and what it asks me to do.

At one point in the dance there was drumbeat and I danced a very grounding earthbound dance. Then the music changed, but the drumbeat remained in my body and I kept dancing to its beat. I realized that I was off beat, out of tune to the new song. One song later a similar beat returned and I was back in tune.

Perhaps expressing through love, my divine spark, my deepest feelings –even when they make no logical sense to the outside world is moving to a different beat – one that is out of tune to our externally created society, but perhaps in tune with Mother. With Life. With Divinity.

Can I learn to trust that?

I am learning that I can return to right relationship in each moment,
Even if just for a moment.
Perhaps this is all of our work – to re-tune, to re-turn
And perhaps, as more and more of us open to moving from this place,
Our choices begin to change, our outlook, our understanding, our priorities, our way of being in the world.
Mine certainly have.
Not because we want to change the world – but because we consciously make the choice to be true to our innate spark, our soul, our spirit, our essence.

“Show me how you offer to your people and the world
the stories and the songs
you want our children’s children to remember.
And I will show you how I struggle not to change the world,
but to love it.”
Oriah Mountain Dreamer

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I can love the earth In This Moment.

I can love the wild dog that frequents my porch, the mice in my meditation hut, my children, my husband, my friends, the trees, the wind, Myself (imagine that!), the people whom I sometimes blame for much of what is going on today, the weak, the strong.
In each moment I can weave the world a little more whole
through Love,
through Joy.

And then…
I feel the grief. It pierces me
And it leaves me
With a much deeper hole in which to feel
appreciation, love, and joy for everything that is still whole
The Jacaranda blooming in my garden
The sun bird and the night jar singing through my days and nights
The earth beneath my feet
The beat of my heart, that sways my hips…

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Sacred Permission to Live from My Deepest Feeling Self – Soul Dancing Day 15

moon2

Saturday two weeks ago I began to dance. I returned to dance.
As I danced this morning I could not quite believe the journey I have traveled
in what is really less than a blink of an eye

This morning I danced a sacred dance.
I danced with the sunrise
The still full moon setting behind us – the sun and I  🙂

As I danced I realized somewhere deep inside
That this dance is a giving permission
An active giving permission for my God Self, for my Sacred Soul
To express,
To let that part of me be in charge

Each day in the dance I step aside – even if just for a moment
And surrender to my Sacred Self

This morning I realized that I am giving permission
For her to lead in more than just the dance
To lead in Life as Dance, in the Dance of Life

And there I thought I was just having fun!

A friend of mine did a psychic reading for me this week
In it she says:

“There is no doubt that the next step for you is ……
a far bigger and bolder step forward and that is
into the recognition of you as God.”

Blasphemy some might cry.
Pure beauty, I say.

And the reading ends thus:

“But of course the sooner you are living from that place (All of us),
the sooner your worlds will hold the kind of beauty and grace
that you sometimes dare to imagine they can.”

And my heart fills with joy and tears and longing and gratitude, because I have a choice to live from that place now. From my God Spark. And to live from there exclusively. To listen to and for and from what feels Deeply Good, and to trust this it is in fact also good for the world, and for my loved ones. Perhaps for a three year old this would be dangerous advice. But for where I am on my journey this is how I might really allow grace and beauty to manifest through me – not for their sake – but as a natural process of living from a place of following what I deeply feel and desire.

It is a little scary. To trust myself. To trust my lived experience and Feeling of what to do – and to follow only that which Feels Deeply Good. Which Feels Deeply Good.

Each day, each morning or evening in the dance I am learning even more fully, with all of my body, and all of my spirit, and sometimes parts of my mind ;-), to feel myself, to trust myself, to treasure myself, to listen to myself, to follow myself.

And this morning it turned in a subtle but important way and became an active Giving Permission to live from that place.

Trust yourself, because the Bottomnest piece of you is Divine.

sun

Many of us have been speaking of the Rising Feminine
As I reflect on my dance and the movements inside me
This blessed and beautiful spring morning
With the birds chanting, the slight breeze, the moon set, the sun arisen
I realize that this capacity to navigate by Deep Feeling
Is in fact a deeply feminine quality

For too long we have been told
Emotions are bad
Not objective
And here I am learning to listen to and once again give permission to
My deep subjective feeling of goodness
Not random emotions so much as the deeper undercurrent
That can be felt when genuinely attended to

The Feminine is rising

Do you feel it too?
In your bones? In your heart? In your soul?
It is in all of us
Man or woman
Rising

May we all Dance in Beauty. May we all Dance in Peace. May we all Dance as One

Gabrielle Roth