Dancing the dance of Separation

I have not been writing much in the last months
Perhaps as the journey descends more deeply into
old patterns buried deep in my psyche
it is harder to put words on it

These days I am dancing with the discovery
of a fundamental lack of Trust in Life

Stunning me, as I have always known myself to deeply trust
Life to provide,
Allowing the intelligence of each next step
to simply emerge when the timing is right

And yet,
perhaps that which is our greatest gift is also our greatest challenge

And so as I dance with my psyche
I am seeing that at a deeper level
there is a part of me that is ever busy
Orchestrating
busy busy busy

For if I did not
It would surely all fall apart
My projects would die
Fall Apart
The sky might even fall upon my shoulders
shattering the world as I know it

It is a mighty frustrating discovery to have made
For now each time I dive into action,
quick and very capable mind leading the way,
another part of me is watching,
‘here she goes again’

And I do not wish to judge my mind and the part of me
that knows how to act,
to fix, to make happen, to mobilise, to create

But I am waking to the possibility that it does not need to be such an effort
And I am seeing that perhaps to get through to the other side
I need to let go, to surrender, to rest, to retreat
rather than to push through

And my mind does not really know this dance
Perhaps my heart does, and surely somewhere my body does
But my mind does not,

And so in this moment it is an awkward dance
An awkard awkward dance of seeking
– so far with little success –
to find my way to the still centre in the middle
Where I can learn to rest, and trust,
And simply Be
with Life

And even as I write, I know that I will not come to this place through seeking
but through a letting go that I don’t yet know how to allow…

Dancing dancing dancing body
in the night 
separate
dancing the dance of separation

outside the moon shines
mother waits for her child
to find her way home

‘you are not alone
you are not separate’

dancing the dance of separation
to find my way home

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Dance on I say – And Dance Together, Soul Dancing Day 20

This morning I woke and danced alone for half an hour.
A pretty awful discombobulated, disembodied dance.
Because my mind was nervous, occupied
About money – and possibly having just lost a lot of it
Surrender to the dance – the music said
And yet mind could not, not quite

Then 8 beautiful women arrived
I had invited them yesterday to join me in my morning practice
They arrived half an hour late and I was about to send them away because of this
In fact I did, but then I called them back
What the heck – Let’s dance for half an hour

And we did

And what a glorious dance it was
Mind had no choice but to let go
We delighted in each other, and in our dance
We were playful, we were wild, we were mad, we were silly, we were graceful,
All in just half an hour of coming together to dance
To dance the dance of our bodies

And I lightly hosted us into the dance
And my heart swelled with joy
And positively shouted at me
“This I wish to do more of”

Some of these women will come back in a few weeks to be at Kufunda for 3 months learning to lean into their leadership
And I will dance with them
I will dance with them

Because we ground each other in the dance
Allowing each one of us to go deeper, and further
Than sometimes – we can go alone
And today was one of those times
Where Alone I struggled
And with others I Soared

Money? What Money?

And what of it, really?

Dancing Soul – Day 4

Today I noticed how long it takes me to fully enter the dance. Mind stays with me for a while – quite a while. Censoring, judging, the music, the movement, continues to ponder the themes of the day. Busy busy mind

And then suddenly suddenly suddenly something shifts – the music, the movement, the soul of the moment moves into the foreground, becomes it all. Suddenly I find myself being surprised at myself, what is moving through me, suddenly I notice that I am motion, I am sweat, I am breath, I am dance. I am lost in the moment – and it expands and becomes so big, so bountiful, so explosive, or perhaps later in the movement when it moves towards stillness – so expansively still.

It is ALL Prayer. It is prayer. It is Love of Life. It is Love. Simply that. Love. And in that is Joy. Immense Joy.

Today I arrived at the home of a friend. Full of my bubbly joy, from these days of movement. I shared, I bubbled. In the course of our time together our conversation moved to less happy things. An old story of torture and pain in our troubled country. A new story of arrests. And my bubbles took on the pain and became immense sorrow. Tears came. Sadness filled me. My friend apologized. But I simply said ‘it is all good.’ And it is.

What the dance is doing is enabling Flow. I can flow from joy to grief in an instant. And it is Beautiful and True. And – here is what is new – I am not getting stuck in either. I can probably move equally fast to anger, fiereceness, even fear. The emotions are not good or bad – they are. Just like there is slow and fast and sombre and vibrant music. And I am learning to flow through it all.

Each day I have come to the dance with an issue, or concern. Each time I have danced it into oblivion. Not that I ignore it, but I land at the end with a deeper, richer, wider perspective. My body and soul can hold it all – with such spaciousness. What was a mountain literally turns into a molehill in the dance.

I realize we don’t all need to dance – but there is something here. Something here about flow, perspective, surrender….

And this is only day 4!