I have not been writing much in the last months
Perhaps as the journey descends more deeply into
old patterns buried deep in my psyche
it is harder to put words on it
These days I am dancing with the discovery
of a fundamental lack of Trust in Life
Stunning me, as I have always known myself to deeply trust
Life to provide,
Allowing the intelligence of each next step
to simply emerge when the timing is right
And yet,
perhaps that which is our greatest gift is also our greatest challenge
And so as I dance with my psyche
I am seeing that at a deeper level
there is a part of me that is ever busy
Orchestrating
busy busy busy
For if I did not
It would surely all fall apart
My projects would die
Fall Apart
The sky might even fall upon my shoulders
shattering the world as I know it
It is a mighty frustrating discovery to have made
For now each time I dive into action,
quick and very capable mind leading the way,
another part of me is watching,
‘here she goes again’
And I do not wish to judge my mind and the part of me
that knows how to act,
to fix, to make happen, to mobilise, to create
But I am waking to the possibility that it does not need to be such an effort
And I am seeing that perhaps to get through to the other side
I need to let go, to surrender, to rest, to retreat
rather than to push through
And my mind does not really know this dance
Perhaps my heart does, and surely somewhere my body does
But my mind does not,
And so in this moment it is an awkward dance
An awkard awkward dance of seeking
– so far with little success –
to find my way to the still centre in the middle
Where I can learn to rest, and trust,
And simply Be
with Life
And even as I write, I know that I will not come to this place through seeking
but through a letting go that I don’t yet know how to allow…
Dancing dancing dancing body
in the night
separate
dancing the dance of separation
outside the moon shines
mother waits for her child
to find her way home
‘you are not alone
you are not separate’
dancing the dance of separation
to find my way home
