Home Coming

Reflections from a Dance with my Heart – Part 1

These reflections are from a recent weekend dance workshop with Caroline Carey in Johannesburg called the Four Chambered Heart.

*******************
IMG_7315I woke on Sunday morning after the first day of dancing.
I woke with grief
I felt how I was born into a world made far to small
Far too small.
How I was straightjacketed to fit into it
Becoming smaller and smaller
Being trained to fit
To fit
Into something so minuscule
Too small to contain the beauty and power of my soul
My SOUL
Full of fire, light and space

I cried for my own learned limitation
And for that of all the children
All those who once were children
being shut down, being taught to close themselves in
to fit into a world made smaller and straighter and more grey
than is the wild wondrous reality of it.

I cried that morning
For all those years of denying my deepest roots,
of shaving off my wild soul,
denying her
like Peter denied Jesus

I recognise the moment
in my vision quest some years back
where I fell to the earth
crying, howling even,
touching immense grief
in my return to Mother Earth.
The grief of experiencing how deeply disconnected I have been from her.

Yes there is joy in returning,
but first
a chasmic grieving in experiencing
the pain of separation.

So that was my pain on Sunday morning
even as I felt my soul returning
I cried for all the years of banishing
essential
parts of myself

I woke up that Sunday morning feeling the fullness of soul return
Breaking through old constrictions
dutifully put in place by my parents, and their parents before them,
and theirs before

It broke through with sobs and tears
Breathing out, gasping for air,
Aaaahhhh
Opening into
the vastness of this being that
I Am

IMG_0933

Published by Maaianne Knuth

I am a woman with roots on two continents, Africa and Europe. I am passionate about supporting people in coming together in more authentic and life-affirming ways than what is the norm in most of our dominant systems. I am the co-founder of Kufunda Learning Village, a centre dedicated to working with rural Zimbabweans as they discover their wealth and wisdom, for themselves, but also for people everywhere. My journey and my passion is around learning to follow my own inner voice of wisdom, and in that finding joy and flow. That journey has brought me back to my essential nature as a Dancer. Through conscious dance I am finding my way into deeper relationship with myself and the world. I look forward to many more women rising to their power, especially in Zimbabwe, to help shift this beautiful country out of its stuck and painful place.

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