And I feel like my life is just beginning
The sap is rising 😉
And there is a joyous, awestruck, exhilarated Wild Woman
ready to go the next lap,
ready to dance it, sing it, fly it
So here’s to the next 43 years
Here is to dancing into freedom
Here is to singing and swinging my joy
Expressing my rage, my power, my grace, my beauty, my delight
My unquenchable optimism
Not because I have anything to hope for
but because I have touched and keep touching
the miracle of this life, this existence
A soul in a human body
learning to inhabit the freedom of soul
in the expressive, creative, and yes beautiful constraint of body
Here is to dancing freedom, to medicine woman me, to lioness priestess, to motherhood, and loverhood, to friendships across time and space
Here’s to the next 43 years
May they rock my world
Inspired by many readings with Angela Deutchsman, and friendships across many lifetimes
Something is changing in me
I am noticing that I am more able to stay engaged
to stay open
to whatever is going on
even when a big part of me would like it to be Not Quite So
I am noticing that
I cannot close any more
the sun is shining
and my blossoming soul is unfurling
To tend to this blossoming
requires letting my being breathe
expressing my joy
letting my love flow
Sometimes letting my being breathe,
takes me into the depths of darkness
where breath may have been suspended
for years on end – perhaps even lifetimes
Can I love the dirty, sordid parts of myself?
As I touch them, and begin to dance with them,
I discover that they may be richly stained
but not sordid, not dirty,
those very words are a judgement
perhaps of something that I have not been ready
to face, to own, to claim.
With it comes
Immense, raw, creative power
My warriors cry sounds loud and strong
I am noticing
a sharpness entering my field
a sharper, clearer, stronger me
as I become more and more open
unapologetic for who I am
choosing from joy,
learning that I have nothing to hide
And what a relief this is I can breathe freely
I am discovering that my most important work is to be Free
My most important work is to be Me
and not just any me
My responsibility, I am recognising with increasing excitement,
is to choose that which makes me the most alive, joyful, expansive, and vibrant self –
to choose that – and nothing more
And ironically – or perhaps not so ironically –
this enables me to offer
the greatest gift to those
The permission to choose in that direction too
The benefit of a more vibrant sparkling Maaianne 😉
I long for a world in which we can each show up,
as our vibrant sparkling stained selves,
joyful, expansive, alive!
dancing to our own beat
Until it dawns
I will dance My dance
increasingly freeing myself to dance the tune
that resonates most deeply with my heart
Today is Zimbabwe’s independence day.
Technically we are celebrating 34 years of independence (so young!).
I have decided to join the celebrations today.
And to celebrate a slight different aspect than the political technicalities of freedom.
I am celebrating today the freedom that dances in my cells.
The freedom that is rising in people everywhere –
And in the people of Zimbabwe.
to follow and live our own deep Joy
I am choosing to make today a celebration
for all those of us, in ways big and small,
Who are making space in our lives
for that which brings the deepest joy
different for each one of us,
equally valid for each one of us
For me, personally, it is the freedom
To dance each morning,
simply because it makes me feel deeply good
The freedom to love my dogs insanely (I just finished feeding all five of them) 🙂
To serve the children,
to create a safe container for their free and beautiful spirits to flourish
as we create a school that can be big enough to love and hold and support them in their journey The freedom to follow a path of calling forth the medicine of women
beginning with my own
The freedom to fall in love each day, many times over
with whatever connects to my heart and soul
trees, people, animals, life, you name it!
I celebrate today
The freedom that I am experiencing at Kufunda
As people are choosing increasingly
to show up as themselves
instead of what our culture has told us to be
Sikethiwe, Fidelis, Admire, Tsitsi, Anna Tenis, Maria, Enock, Ethel,
and so many more
slowly but surely standing up to be yourselves
I honour you deeply
I see your deep grace, power, beauty,
And thank you for showing up
Life is richer – infinitely – with you in it 🙂
I celebrate today
The freedom I am experiencing in all our children here
as they discover that their curiosity and delight
are gifts that we treasure and welcome
Tino, Maki, Joseph, Emily, Claudia, Alice, Ayemu, Ngoni…
and all of you that I haven’t mentioned by name
You are sooo beauitful
Your gifts are already taking us all by storm
Today I celebrate
The freedom I experience in pockets of Zimbabwean society
freedom to speak, to sing, to dance,
to express the soul of this place and this people
To make choices that go against the grain of so much of what is here
Simply because it is what our free souls must do
Freedom to choose love over hate
Simply because hate feels heavy and toxic
and love brings joy and space and possibility and grace
Today I brought Mugabe into my dance
for all that he has taught us
May we learn the lessons well
Aah that he would join this dance of celebrating
the deeper freedoms that are rising here
One day perhaps he shall
For now I celebrate
with a light and overflowing heart
with delight in my being
for the joy and the freedom
that live here already
And for the MUCH more of it
that I know is possible and is on its way
as more and more and more of us
begin to choose
the dance of freedom
…. At 42 I am exploding into my freedom and into my Self
All the old, boring, limiting nice-ness finally being swept away
by my dancing feet, and drumming heart
All those limitations of old
Fuelling my desire and clarity for Shift
That welcomes each of us
To Fully Show Up
To be Here Now
As the Noble, Awesome, Shiny people we each already are 🙂
******************* I woke on Sunday morning after the first day of dancing.
I woke with grief
I felt how I was born into a world made far to small
Far too small.
How I was straightjacketed to fit into it
Becoming smaller and smaller
Being trained to fit
Into something so minuscule
Too small to contain the beauty and power of my soul
Full of fire, light and space
I cried for my own learned limitation
And for that of all the children
All those who once were children
being shut down, being taught to close themselves in
to fit into a world made smaller and straighter and more grey
than is the wild wondrous reality of it.
I cried that morning
For all those years of denying my deepest roots,
of shaving off my wild soul,
like Peter denied Jesus
I recognise the moment
in my vision quest some years back
where I fell to the earth
crying, howling even,
touching immense grief
in my return to Mother Earth.
The grief of experiencing how deeply disconnected I have been from her.
Yes there is joy in returning,
a chasmic grieving in experiencing
the pain of separation.
So that was my pain on Sunday morning
even as I felt my soul returning
I cried for all the years of banishing
parts of myself
I woke up that Sunday morning feeling the fullness of soul return
Breaking through old constrictions
dutifully put in place by my parents, and their parents before them,
and theirs before
It broke through with sobs and tears
Breathing out, gasping for air,
the vastness of this being that
I am posting a message from a dear friend, Undine, in response to my recent blog on dissolution. She speaks of her own experience that resonates so deeply, that I asked if I could share it here. Undine is a Kundalini Yoga instructor, and a fierce and wondrous woman. She is also a dancer. She began to dance in December, during our Women are Medicine Retreat. As has happened for me, it has become a part of her daily practice. She lives in Cape Town, South Africa.
Dear Maaianne and dear all,
I can so relate – I am experiencing that as well
Yogi Bhajan always said:
Do not solve your problems,
I have experienced a profound healing in and since Cambodia (and before) which feels exactly like dissolution of fear.
A quietude inside, resting in myself, in the moment.
In knowing that what is is
and what I can do is setting my intent, clear and precise,
dancing, meditating, yogy-ing
and for the rest – love live and live live – alive.
In the pristine wildernis of Bergplaas Reserve among the animals, this was exacerbated, taking the dance into a total merging with nature –
One day in quiet dark expectancy of sharing ourselves with each other,
Another day in wild joy down by the river,
Finally on the last morning
in a magnificent thunderstorm, in the electrics of the lightening and the rumble of the bhvuma…
We had many many animal encounters that were so special –
All the antilopes on our doorstep,
Eland Wildebeest Kudu Springbok, Blesbok, Duiker.
Then the black eagles.
The little ones like Dassie and Rock Rabbit.
The Rocks themselves.
The Kingdom of the Trees.
And – on the peak we were allowed to spend a morning with six white lions.
Being about 2 metres away from a regal lioness awaiting our arrival, we sat in awe. She looked at each of us with her amber coloured eyes, slowly turning her head – you, and you, and you, and you. She felt our souls, she checked if we were the ones she had been waiting for, patiently, at the fence.
Her mate joining her with his amazing white mane, lying down, they simply communicated, calmly, the following:
First heal yourself (dissolve fear)
It is time, do it now.
Don’t succumb to urgency,
Yes things are urgent, but without you taking the time to heal yourself, the world will end in any case.
Yes humanity’s future is at stake But all is now, There is only now
So heal yourself
Focus, Do it now, No matter what