Soul Dancing – Day 7 – Entering Sadness

I noticed slight grumpiness, tiredness, irritation and sadness upon waking. And invited by a new friend I took these consciously with me into my dance.
 
I touched the heaviness of my heart. Perhaps underneath the stream of life there is always a little of this – grief for the world we live in, sadness for all the trees felled, birds dying, life not being exactly as we would like it. I don’t know. But today my dance was mostly Sad. Heavy. Slow.
 
Slivers of sunshine broke through. I think this is the nature of life. But it felt important to stay with the density of my body, and the feeling of my heart.
 
The music didn’t always ‘fit’ with what I felt I was feeling J. It reminded me of life – dancing with what is thrown to me, and still remaining True to myself. Dancing with what life brings – even when it jars – and still remaining true to my self and my experience. Not always easy.

And also open to let it (life, the jarring music, whatever it is)  influence me, touch me. In the dance it sometimes took me deeper into sadness, sometimes let me coast on a brief wave of joy that broke through a cheerful piece of music.
 
Connected – and – True.
 
As I end this mornings dance I say to myself and to everyone:
 
Let us be gentle with ourselves. We are birthing a new world.
 
In this simple act even of just moving our bodies more consciously, listening to them, listening to Life, We are birthing a new world.
 
Let us be gentle with ourselves.

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Soul Dancing into Stillness – Day 6

Touching stillness. Slowing down. So intimate this dance.

Even the wild dance of days before is intimate. It is really meeting myself in my body as I move, as I let the music move in me, through me. And yet – in the quieter dance moments, I become more conscious of the intimacy – of the listening to – and meeting myself.

Joy is still there. Such joy. Small moments of quickening. A sense of love flowing. But also simply being with myself in movement. Nothing more, nothing less. Deeply intimate.

Katrin reminded me of something important. The burst of energy and the release of wildness is a meeting of something and someone in me that often I don’t meet. It is connecting to a fundamental aliveness, vibrancy that often lies hidden. What a delight it is to meet that part of myself.

Having touched that – it is then exquisite to move into the place of slow, still connection. Slow, still connection.

Today was slow and still.

With such gratitude for the miracle that is our life – and the teaching and learning that is available everywhere  in every single moment. And right now it is coming home through Dance.

Dancing Soul – Day 5

Today I entered into madness. But it came from the music. Such MAD music – it almost scared me. Perhaps because I had to surrender to it.

Madness when it arises naturally from within is simply nature expressing – wild nature expressing Wildness.
What when I am bombarded by mad music and I recoil in some fear, because I feel I am not ready for it?

But then I enter it, stumblingly, awkwardly, uncertainly.
And enter and enter and find that I move funny, strange, ugly. Not elegant, beautiful, graceful…?
But I keep entering and suddenly all the labels fall away.
And I am simply the Dance.
And the music simply is food to spur me on.
Wild. Released.

I love myself in the dance.

And I have moments when I love the Moment so much I have to gasp.

I love myself and I love the moments that I am moving in – in the dance.

Aaah! I say and Dance on.

Dancing Soul – Day 4

Today I noticed how long it takes me to fully enter the dance. Mind stays with me for a while – quite a while. Censoring, judging, the music, the movement, continues to ponder the themes of the day. Busy busy mind

And then suddenly suddenly suddenly something shifts – the music, the movement, the soul of the moment moves into the foreground, becomes it all. Suddenly I find myself being surprised at myself, what is moving through me, suddenly I notice that I am motion, I am sweat, I am breath, I am dance. I am lost in the moment – and it expands and becomes so big, so bountiful, so explosive, or perhaps later in the movement when it moves towards stillness – so expansively still.

It is ALL Prayer. It is prayer. It is Love of Life. It is Love. Simply that. Love. And in that is Joy. Immense Joy.

Today I arrived at the home of a friend. Full of my bubbly joy, from these days of movement. I shared, I bubbled. In the course of our time together our conversation moved to less happy things. An old story of torture and pain in our troubled country. A new story of arrests. And my bubbles took on the pain and became immense sorrow. Tears came. Sadness filled me. My friend apologized. But I simply said ‘it is all good.’ And it is.

What the dance is doing is enabling Flow. I can flow from joy to grief in an instant. And it is Beautiful and True. And – here is what is new – I am not getting stuck in either. I can probably move equally fast to anger, fiereceness, even fear. The emotions are not good or bad – they are. Just like there is slow and fast and sombre and vibrant music. And I am learning to flow through it all.

Each day I have come to the dance with an issue, or concern. Each time I have danced it into oblivion. Not that I ignore it, but I land at the end with a deeper, richer, wider perspective. My body and soul can hold it all – with such spaciousness. What was a mountain literally turns into a molehill in the dance.

I realize we don’t all need to dance – but there is something here. Something here about flow, perspective, surrender….

And this is only day 4!

Journals from a Month of Dancing

August quickened something in me, and the voice that has quietly been whispering to dance, to dance, to dance became more insistent until there was nothing for me to do, but ‘put on my dance shoes’. Those would be my bare feet. Find good music, turn up the volume, empty my house of my family – and Dance.

And so I did. This Saturday. For an hour and a half. Having been conscious for so long that I don’t have a teacher or a group, I suddenly found simply Soul. What more is needed? Really?

Let me offer my one and only disclaimer as I enter into this month of dance and of sharing it:  This writing may seem a little fantastical at times, my experience is not of groovy cool Sunday afternoon dancing. It is of learning to dance my souls expression. To release, to surrender, to enter into a union of sorts…. Me and life, me and Mother, me and the essence of my soul.

It is – I realise – time to stop apologizing for not fitting into the mold of the normal world and normal language. Especially when it is one that we have so blatantly robbed of magic and mystery. And so – disclaimer aside – I realise this is in fact a journey into those very elements of Magic and of Mystery, through my body and through the gift of music.

I come to it with Gratitude.

During my first dance, I was stunned at the fury and wildness of what was released.

When my husband returned – with my mother in law – I wondered how I would keep dancing. He suggested our bedroom is big enough for me not to have to empty the house of people. And in fact it is. So the very next day, I did my second dance.

In this I had a moment of feeling that I was Mother dancing. I was both she and me – and perhaps we truly are one. There was great gratitude for the gift of being able to dance life with consciousness – from me And from life.

During this same dance, the warrior rose more strongly in me, and I remembered that in the medicine wheel as summarized by Angeles Arrien, the medicine or healing salve of the warrior is dance. And here I was dancing my way back into power, vitality, life force. Hear my cry – it is fierce.

My third day of dance was the day where I made a commitment to keep doing this for 30 days. Yeah!

In this dance I had such a strong experience of: “for this i was born”. My ego hastens to apologise to claim the name Dancer, and yet it is much more than this. I was born to express my Soul, my joy, my spark. And this is what I was doing last night, spinning wildly in my bedroom. Aren’t we all born for this expression?

I was using a Gabrielle Roth five rhythms compilation. She offers guidance in this one – and her words entered me through the experience…”Don’t do the dance, let the dance do you. Don’t do the dance, let the dance do you”. “It is all prayer”. yes it is. This is sacred practice.

And such fun too!

As day four begins my body is a little tired. My spirit is strong. My husband says I feel more open, more light and playful, stronger, clearer, sharper but also more gentle. And a lot more self-absorbed :).

My children are joining me in moments. Pre-bed family dance, early morning rising dance. Demanded by them. These are short. Dance-snippets, but they are beautiful.

I may be jumping the gun, but I have a sense that i am diving into a month that will change something at a fundamental level in me and in how I relate to the world. At this point it seems like simply this: to know and experience at a cellular level that I can open myself to Life force, to joy, to flow. Those are not in the hands of another. They are in my hands. As I open, as a I move – I enter more fully, the river of Life. She flows fast. I am not in control. But I am learning to swim, and to dance with life.

Gabrielle’s last words yesterday were “You are the Dance.”

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Conversations dominated by Mind

Conversations
dominated by mind
busy busy busy mind
dominating
everything
suddenly it is about convincing
the other
of my view
which is of course
the right
One

Losing balance
losing centre
blood begins to boil
‘why are you arguing with me?’
‘why do you not see my point?’

Do we even disagree?
finding ourselves arguing fervently
and yet somehow speaking the same
just with difference in nuance
perspective

Yet we are still arguing
because mind is divisive
likes to pick apart
dissect
break down

And then we stopped.

Sat on the land
hugged
breathed
touched hands
and returned to be with each other again

This time there was Softness
Open heart
Joy
in finding each other
Common ground
Connection

Be still
Pray do be still

And let us feel each others breaths
and hearts
and join in that place

In that place
love resides
in that place we are all
One

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