On Changing the World, or Not – Soul Dancing – Day 23

Yesterday dance and grief merged once again.

I had watched Happy Feet with my children. A joyful dancing movie that somehow was so utterly heartbreaking to me at the end. It ends with the humans recognizing the errors of their ways and then they stop over-fishing so the penguins can also eat and live. In this happy Hollywood ending I connected with the many lives, the many animals, the many eco-systems that don’t have this ending. And while my children were enjoying – I cried.

After the film I went into a dance where grief and impotence merged in me.

As I step deeper into my Soul Dance Journey I am learning that my work is not to try to Change the World. It is to learn to express the truth, beauty and joy of this Life through my Being. To freely express and be that God Spark which is at the essence of us all. Were we all to live from this place, the world surely would be different.

And that seems like a long long way from where we currently live.

How then to accept or respond to a world that is suffering so in this moment from our ignorance and disconnection?
Is it Irresponsible – to not try to DO SOMETHING? ANYTHING?

Another part of my recent journey has been to turn away from that which does not serve me. To some it could be seen as perhaps the act of an ostrich. Putting my head in the sand. I don’t experience it that way. I don’t find that following the atrocities in Syria, as an example, bring me clarity, or strength or joy to continue doing what is right for me or my immediate world. And even if I never seek out the details, they still seem to filter through.

What struck me yesterday was the force with which I felt the earth speak directly to me. Not through a newspaper, but through the piercing pain in my heart, when I touched the destruction that we are wreaking as humanity. It came through a different channel than a newsbroadcast. A channel – which it seems – I am opening in my dance, and I am sure can be opened in many different ways.

In my dance I also touched a place where life was less, was lower, consciousness was all but gone, higher life forms were no more, there was a darkness. It felt like a taste of what may lie ahead. It was hard to acknowledge that we may well be on our way to a darkness from which we will not return.

My mind cries out and says, “So now surely you have to Do something!”
But a part of me knows, that we can’t ‘Do’ our way out of this mess.
And so what avenue remains?

Grief and Impotence.

And I keep moving my feet, my heart, my being, breathing.

My work is becoming clearer to me
My work is to give permission for my light to shine.
To trust where it takes me – and what it asks me to do.

At one point in the dance there was drumbeat and I danced a very grounding earthbound dance. Then the music changed, but the drumbeat remained in my body and I kept dancing to its beat. I realized that I was off beat, out of tune to the new song. One song later a similar beat returned and I was back in tune.

Perhaps expressing through love, my divine spark, my deepest feelings –even when they make no logical sense to the outside world is moving to a different beat – one that is out of tune to our externally created society, but perhaps in tune with Mother. With Life. With Divinity.

Can I learn to trust that?

I am learning that I can return to right relationship in each moment,
Even if just for a moment.
Perhaps this is all of our work – to re-tune, to re-turn
And perhaps, as more and more of us open to moving from this place,
Our choices begin to change, our outlook, our understanding, our priorities, our way of being in the world.
Mine certainly have.
Not because we want to change the world – but because we consciously make the choice to be true to our innate spark, our soul, our spirit, our essence.

“Show me how you offer to your people and the world
the stories and the songs
you want our children’s children to remember.
And I will show you how I struggle not to change the world,
but to love it.”
Oriah Mountain Dreamer

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I can love the earth In This Moment.

I can love the wild dog that frequents my porch, the mice in my meditation hut, my children, my husband, my friends, the trees, the wind, Myself (imagine that!), the people whom I sometimes blame for much of what is going on today, the weak, the strong.
In each moment I can weave the world a little more whole
through Love,
through Joy.

And then…
I feel the grief. It pierces me
And it leaves me
With a much deeper hole in which to feel
appreciation, love, and joy for everything that is still whole
The Jacaranda blooming in my garden
The sun bird and the night jar singing through my days and nights
The earth beneath my feet
The beat of my heart, that sways my hips…

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Dance on I say – And Dance Together, Soul Dancing Day 20

This morning I woke and danced alone for half an hour.
A pretty awful discombobulated, disembodied dance.
Because my mind was nervous, occupied
About money – and possibly having just lost a lot of it
Surrender to the dance – the music said
And yet mind could not, not quite

Then 8 beautiful women arrived
I had invited them yesterday to join me in my morning practice
They arrived half an hour late and I was about to send them away because of this
In fact I did, but then I called them back
What the heck – Let’s dance for half an hour

And we did

And what a glorious dance it was
Mind had no choice but to let go
We delighted in each other, and in our dance
We were playful, we were wild, we were mad, we were silly, we were graceful,
All in just half an hour of coming together to dance
To dance the dance of our bodies

And I lightly hosted us into the dance
And my heart swelled with joy
And positively shouted at me
“This I wish to do more of”

Some of these women will come back in a few weeks to be at Kufunda for 3 months learning to lean into their leadership
And I will dance with them
I will dance with them

Because we ground each other in the dance
Allowing each one of us to go deeper, and further
Than sometimes – we can go alone
And today was one of those times
Where Alone I struggled
And with others I Soared

Money? What Money?

And what of it, really?

Sacred Permission to Live from My Deepest Feeling Self – Soul Dancing Day 15

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Saturday two weeks ago I began to dance. I returned to dance.
As I danced this morning I could not quite believe the journey I have traveled
in what is really less than a blink of an eye

This morning I danced a sacred dance.
I danced with the sunrise
The still full moon setting behind us – the sun and I  🙂

As I danced I realized somewhere deep inside
That this dance is a giving permission
An active giving permission for my God Self, for my Sacred Soul
To express,
To let that part of me be in charge

Each day in the dance I step aside – even if just for a moment
And surrender to my Sacred Self

This morning I realized that I am giving permission
For her to lead in more than just the dance
To lead in Life as Dance, in the Dance of Life

And there I thought I was just having fun!

A friend of mine did a psychic reading for me this week
In it she says:

“There is no doubt that the next step for you is ……
a far bigger and bolder step forward and that is
into the recognition of you as God.”

Blasphemy some might cry.
Pure beauty, I say.

And the reading ends thus:

“But of course the sooner you are living from that place (All of us),
the sooner your worlds will hold the kind of beauty and grace
that you sometimes dare to imagine they can.”

And my heart fills with joy and tears and longing and gratitude, because I have a choice to live from that place now. From my God Spark. And to live from there exclusively. To listen to and for and from what feels Deeply Good, and to trust this it is in fact also good for the world, and for my loved ones. Perhaps for a three year old this would be dangerous advice. But for where I am on my journey this is how I might really allow grace and beauty to manifest through me – not for their sake – but as a natural process of living from a place of following what I deeply feel and desire.

It is a little scary. To trust myself. To trust my lived experience and Feeling of what to do – and to follow only that which Feels Deeply Good. Which Feels Deeply Good.

Each day, each morning or evening in the dance I am learning even more fully, with all of my body, and all of my spirit, and sometimes parts of my mind ;-), to feel myself, to trust myself, to treasure myself, to listen to myself, to follow myself.

And this morning it turned in a subtle but important way and became an active Giving Permission to live from that place.

Trust yourself, because the Bottomnest piece of you is Divine.

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Many of us have been speaking of the Rising Feminine
As I reflect on my dance and the movements inside me
This blessed and beautiful spring morning
With the birds chanting, the slight breeze, the moon set, the sun arisen
I realize that this capacity to navigate by Deep Feeling
Is in fact a deeply feminine quality

For too long we have been told
Emotions are bad
Not objective
And here I am learning to listen to and once again give permission to
My deep subjective feeling of goodness
Not random emotions so much as the deeper undercurrent
That can be felt when genuinely attended to

The Feminine is rising

Do you feel it too?
In your bones? In your heart? In your soul?
It is in all of us
Man or woman
Rising

May we all Dance in Beauty. May we all Dance in Peace. May we all Dance as One

Gabrielle Roth

Dancing Over Boundaries – Soul Dancing Day 13

Today  a small but important barrier was broken.
 
I thought I could not dance in the early morning because I would wake the household
But I did – Dance
And I did not – Wake the household
It meant moving out of the bedroom and into our wonderfully spacious lounge
Dancing morning dance
In our lounge the trees in the garden feel like they are there with you
So I danced the morning in, with the spirit of the trees
 
And I remembered how my soul knew this moment was coming
A long time ago
How we created an empty space in the middle of our lounge
So that one day I could dance here
How my blog is Named DancingUniverse
And it felt a little presumptious for a non-dancer
And here Dancing Universe is chronicling my return home
 
I don’t know what comes next
But I know that I must dance
And that now I can dance
Morning or evening
Household awake or asleep
 
And what a glorious freedom that is
One day – I know I will be dancing out there on the lawn, on the earth
Under the trees
A furious dance of freedom
With no care for curious passerbys
One day
Not quite today

Soul Dancing Day 11

Today was just Dance.

Just Dance.

Expression.
Sweat.
Stillness.
Dance.

And an achey shoulder – and noticing how my body in the dance sought to move it, open it, free it.

Just Dance?

Glorious, magnificent, spectacular, sweet, grounding, invigorating Dance.

Perhaps I drop the ‘Just’

Don’t Stop the Music – Soul Dancing Day 10

After days of heavy body – emotionally and physically – today we ripped again.

Glorious Sweat.
Do you have any idea how utterly glorious it is to feel sweat dripping down your neck, running in your hair?
To me it is heavenly.

I love how I have moved through different landscapes of my soul and body over the last few days.
Explosive joy, and for a while I believed that if only I dance this is how I can feel.
Piercing clarity. If only we all dance this is how we can all feel.
Then stillness. Ah how sweet this slowing down is. Really Dance is Magic.
Then out of left field – heaviness and heart ache
Sadness and grief even – and then nothing…. ?!?!?!?!?
Help!
Ah but wait
Then flow again – release.
And Bang! I have circled round to something that is not quite joy, but just a sweet and vibrant energy of strong expansive expression.
Large, quick, active movements
Of body.

I see that I can’t control what happens
And that although there may be experiences
That I prefer
None is really better than the other
Sadness has given birth to resolve, to clarity, and to depth of feeling
Joy births wings
Anger births clarity
Can I welcome them all?

And trust that they are transient
This too will change
…..

I almost didn’t dance today.
It is my children’s birthday.
Instead we all danced.
We all danced :).
Even my husband came in the end.
And Danced.

We ended with quiet music,
And my body showed me
How beautifully it can move between Speed
And Stillness
Just like it has moved
Between Sadness and Joy
Exuberance and Frustration

In the still movement
Everything Feels More
Feels closer
Attention expands –
From expansive Movements
To expansive and quiet and clear
Attention

Landscapes
That we move through
That we can move through

Neither is my soul
Neither the sadness
Nor the joy
… Landscapes

I wonder what is underneath the landscapes
What remains, when all else falls away.

I will take this question with me
Ponder it, let it enter me
Just like the landscapes of the days past have

Back to Soul – Soul Dancing Day 8

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Anna Hanschmidt’s Night Time Dream after a day of Tears

Yesterday was a day of Tears. Rivulets, becoming streams, becoming rivers.
That sounds enormous. It wasn’t.
It was raw. But not about enormous feelings.
It was like the heart had cracked open
And found inside only sadness
And longing, deep longing
Sadness for the absence perhaps of that which my soul longs for
And being touched deeply in moments of entering into that
And perhaps a feeling of bereftness for those only being moments.

I don’t dance alone – others are dancing also
In places around the world
And it seems the tears were common to several of us
And this deeper touching into ourselves.
On this particular day.

I include some of their voices….

I danced a wonderful ‘Listen to your Body – Find your Centre’ Tango class… which also made me cry because I felt my centre – and at that instant felt how many times I had not felt it. So on goes the journey. Let us hold each other. I don’t know where my life is heading, my relationship, the place I’m living…  I just know that even if sometimes I can’t see it: I grow more myself each day, and that’s worth all this chaos and not knowing…”

“I had the same, this morning, dear Maaianne. We are connected in this rainbow of Tears. I know I was meant to be a “Dancer of Tears” to live the Mystery of how our Body can serve as a direct connection to deep E-Motions and with this to be deeper alive.”

And another dear friend, in response to the question of “I wonder where this is heading” answered….

“I think… back to our Souls.”

This morning I woke and realized of course there will be tears
And sadness
In returning to our Souls.
I am sure there was joy when the prodigal son returned
But also a sorrow for all the time apart

And so on this Sunday morning
Here is my commitment:
To continue to lean into Dancing my Soul’s Language
(on and off the dance floor)
Touching Nature
Touching Life
Touching Spirit

However Sad,
However ‘whatever’ that it is is ;-).

“I will dance the essence of things….”

“You don’t just dance to move
You dance to make connection to nature
To make connection to Spirit”

Anna Halprin

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I will dance the essence of things………